Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Infertility Really Stinks

So I just need to vent a little. Hearing stories of "mothers" who want to prostitute their 5 year old really gets me worked up. Why are folks like this allowed to pro-create? I am due for an OB appointment tomorrow. This of course is humiliating and miserable for so many reasons. Of course, the issue of BCP versus ablasion will need to be addressed. You know what is so frustrating is knowing our family is complete, but I am just not ready to permanently remove the ability to conceive by my own decisions. Yet the alternative is debilitating pain for several days a month, or the expense of the BCP, which is so ironic in and of itself. Other bumps on the roller coaster is the joy of J&M succesfully getting through their 1st trimester, joy of seeing pics of J&J's beautiful baby through a homebirth, and the sadness for friends who are still unsuccessfully trying. So I keep praying. Wondering if they will get the same devastating news that we got 8 years ago. There's the joy of celebrating C's 7th birthday. Seriously, how could our baby be 7 already? Then the silliness of weeping for "Carl & Ellie" in the cartoon movie, "UP" when they learn of their inability to have children. How does one cry during a cartoon movie? Add to that I missed 2 pills in a row somehow, and the last 48 hours have been quite a trip. I don't like infertility. I didn't ask for this. I don't like that this decision was made for me. It is not the need for more children that makes me weep. It is the loss of all the experience of pregnancy, belly bumps, maternity clothes, parking in the "expectant Mom" spots, ultrasounds, no period for 9 months, morning sickness, water breaking and labor. Okay, so maybe I could do without the water breaking and labor part. I guess God just knew I couldn't handle that part. I think I need to start walking regularly. Walking feels good. It does good things for the body. How does one make a walking regimen with two little ones at home?

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